do you ever get a little bit tired of life

like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die

My anthem for the past four years or so has honestly been Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold. It’s a fairly popular song about how sometimes you just feel . . . emotionless and tired of living, yet you don’t want to die either. And, this morning, I kind of feel that way. Like, I’m not sad or angry, but I’m not happy either, and I’m really, really tired. But I guess, since I have no emotional barriers stopping me from writing up a blog post, I thought, Welp, might as well write then. And so, I bring you this new chapter of my depressing life, this time about feeling emotionless.

…like a numb little bug that’s gotta survive ‘cause you’ve gotta survive…

I never know why I feel this way, it just happens sometimes. It comes when I least expect it, but I never feel surprised because . . . well, I can’t feel. And with this lack of emotion and will to live comes the lack of understanding of whether this is good or bad. Perhaps it’s good because my annoying emotions can’t stop me from getting things done, like my school and this post. And yet, it doesn’t . . . feel good, I guess. I simply feel like, as Em says in her song, a numb little bug. I’ve got to survive and get through all this stuff just to survive. Not for happiness. Not for the experience. Just to live.