Hey Jack. This article is really good, and I totally agree that we don't live by what our increasingly corrupt society tells us to. We live by God's standards and His alone. As a girl who does want to be a wife and at-home mom (totally opposite to what society wants me to be), I totally get what you mean. (Also, no where in the Bible does it say that you have to get married!) But I just wanted to say that God has placed us in the secoety that we are in. He has given us our gender and identity and we should not go against that to follow the culture's messed up way of thinking about who we are. God's design is never constraining, but rather freeing. We can live knowing who we are in Him, and not have to worry about what others think. Those are just my thoughts : )
Hey, Jack. I read this earlier today, and now just read your note about keeping Substack safe (which I 100% support) and decided to comment here. As someone who is made easily anxious by conflict, I can understand how some of the comments below are harmful. I think this entire subject of what "gender roles" means is a super touchy one. I'm very glad you posted this; I also can see how a supporter of the societal patriarchy would have an immediate negative reaction to you speaking your feelings. Just please remember: it's so much more a reflection on them than it is on you. I just spoke to a boy this morning who was lamenting over the fact that he didn't fit in with the majority of the boys in his church youth group because he enjoyed poetry and songwriting while all they wanted to talk about were sports scores and cars. Seeing the high and exacting cultural standards of what it means to be a man is very upsetting to me, because we have taken it far beyond God's original plan. (I mean, if anyone disagrees, show me the place in the Bible where God says "men, thou shalt not cry," or in any way implies that men have no weaknesses.)
Final thought: if there is a society that is not making room for the passions and emotions God has given you, the error is the society's, not yours. I hope you know and believe that.
Thanks for being open and vulnerable. It's a gift many men are giving up in favor of fitting in.
Keep this in mind....what you're referring to isn't societal constraint. It's the way God made you. And that matters more than anything else. Being a man is hard....that's kinda the point 😂. We bear the burden, defend the weak, and hold back the storm. It's what we were designed for.
And if strong men don't do their jobs ^^ the world falls to pieces. History's shown us that again and again.
"the key takeaway from this post is that society’s stereotypes, expectations, and standards for who you have to be don’t matter. you can be the type of person you want to be; don’t let your gender, your race, or anything hold you back."
yeah i'm not going to get too deep into this, but what i was addressing WAS "societal stereotypes, expectations, and standards." that's kind of the whole point of the post. not all men are destined to live the exact same way just because they share the same biological factors.
On the surface, I actually agree. Different men are different and are going to lead different lives and do different things. But...men are still men. They marry women. They protect the weak. They raise children to follow the Lord. Those aren't societal restraints, it's what God commands in the Bible. Thoughts?
if that's how you want to live, good for you. but keep in mind that not all men wish to live that way. aren't a bunch of men in the bible celibate? when i grow up, i'm not obligated to marry and have kids. that's a path i can take, but it's not one i'm constrained to.
Fair enough 😂 remember that you said "perhaps a different kind of partner."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to attack you in any way here. But this article is leading down a dangerous path. To say we aren't constrained by our gender is the first step to literal chaos in society....people need to follow the path God's set out for them, whether they like it or not.
"literal chaos" might be a stretch. i'd love to see a world where people don't live their lives based on how other people of their gender live. think about it this way: what if every single american HAD to love football but you don't like football. but instead of just accepting that you don't like football, you force yourself to like it. that's not very healthy, is it? for people who already like football, its easy to tell others to like it as well. but for those who are different, it's hard to decide if they should force themself to follow a "destined path" or simply live as themselves.
Yeah, that's a great point. The issue is that football can't translate over to things like we're discussing. Whether or not you like football is irrelevant to anything important.....but your gender is one of the most important things there is. And it's vital that we act according to how God made us. If you don't do that, then you're sinning, plain and simple 🤷♂️
To clarify, I don't mean that every man needs to be a bodybuilder and super aggressive and masculine. The only point I'm trying to make is that we need to be careful about "being ourselves", because ourselves are sinful. Instead, we need to force ourselves to follow what God's commanded of us.
Jack, when I was much younger, your grandmother and my mother decided that I wasn’t necessarily wrong, I was just different. The times leading up to their “decision” weren’t our best years as a family. We eventually learned to accept each other as who we were. Now I couldn’t love my sister, your grandmother, any more than I do! We are still different, but those differences don’t matter anymore! Be who you are, that is who God meant you to be! I love you and am so proud of you!
Jack, I just want to add: Boxes come in all shapes and sizes, and all can be confining. Don't be too quick to build any boxes right now. Leave those doors and windows open to whatever plan God has for you! He absolutely has a plan! You have to be patient and look for those God Winks! Being different doesn't necessarily refer to sexual preferences. That seems to be the first thing people interpret this phrase to mean! Being different can simply mean choosing your own path, and not necessarily the one that is expected of you! You will find your path, I have no doubt!
would just like to say, there are different ways of being strong and that is totally okay.
you mention that men are made to be strong…yeah so actually all people are made to be strong, and not sure if you’ve realized but men frequently use their ‘power’ to dominate everything and everyone, so i don’t see how that’s a good thing. and woman are actually quite strong and independent…something we’ve learned from constant rejection and over powering…from men.
also a later comment you wrote said ‘men raise children.’ sir. they help raise children. who carrie’s the child for nine months and then gives birth to it? and then is expected to stay home with it? motherhood is awesome, but you need to understand that men do not do all the work with children, it’s meant to be a group effort on the part of the mother and the father.
also, on the topic of following Gods plan for is…he has different plans for everyone. so saying that we need to stick with societal norms in order to live our lives is ridiculous. we all have different callings in life…
also, the world has fallen into ruin over and over again due to ‘strong men’ and i’m not entirely sure why in the 21st century you seem to think that men, and only men, are capable of keeping the world going. like respectfully have you not heard of strong women?
not trying to make this a feminist post, bc it’s not that i hate men, i just think you need to learn some respect.
I hear you on the whole societal standards and expectations thing! We can't let twisted versions of truth give us a bad taste in our mouths for true truth, am I right!? Let's get back to the Original Plan, which was family in garden, where God made the trees for beauty first and then for usefulness. It's joy, life! He is the way! The more we seek Him (not a version of Him) the more the mess and tangle of society's version of everything falls off and we start to really see. There's no going back once you jump into God's rabbit holes of glory!
Thank you for being honest, Jack, and hope you have a blessed and liberating day :D
This is such a mood. I've often felt confused—struggled with the assumptions made, the plans forced, the questions asked of me. Even though I actually do fit a lot of the stereotypes talked about (I play/watch sports, video games are fun, etc.) it turns out being attracted to men makes you different in a lot of ways.
I appreciated your honesty so very much. Thank you for sharing, and for truly contributing to the volumes on this we need from men. Your feelings are valid.
Totally unrelated to all this deeper discussion, this post reminded me of a song: Giving Into the Love by Aurora. If you want a music recommendation 😂
I applaud your courage for writing this. These are important issues. I agree that our current society’s standards of gender are often skewed. I think it’s best we keep learning from God and doing what we love in the meantime. :)
I love this, but I did see something that bothered me. Gender is gender and you can't change that. A boy is a boy and a girl is a girl. Girls can like the things that boys do but they can't change. I hope you understand my meaning. Otherwise I loved this!:) _Izzi
Not a boy, but definitely someone who also dreams of defying the social 'norms' (is it normal to be pressured? maybe, but perhaps not a good thing). Good luck to all of us in being just who we are :D
I want to marry a man who reads more poetry and plays less video games, watches more nature and less football. Follows Christ instead of their heart. So, not mainstream.
thank you, charles <3. i don't know why that's so difficult to grasp for some people. everyone is different and everyone has a right to live as themselves
so real. since i was born a guy i have to follow thid exact guideline of how to live??? no wonder so many men are suicidal
Hey Jack. This article is really good, and I totally agree that we don't live by what our increasingly corrupt society tells us to. We live by God's standards and His alone. As a girl who does want to be a wife and at-home mom (totally opposite to what society wants me to be), I totally get what you mean. (Also, no where in the Bible does it say that you have to get married!) But I just wanted to say that God has placed us in the secoety that we are in. He has given us our gender and identity and we should not go against that to follow the culture's messed up way of thinking about who we are. God's design is never constraining, but rather freeing. We can live knowing who we are in Him, and not have to worry about what others think. Those are just my thoughts : )
love that. thanks for sharing :)
Hey, Jack. I read this earlier today, and now just read your note about keeping Substack safe (which I 100% support) and decided to comment here. As someone who is made easily anxious by conflict, I can understand how some of the comments below are harmful. I think this entire subject of what "gender roles" means is a super touchy one. I'm very glad you posted this; I also can see how a supporter of the societal patriarchy would have an immediate negative reaction to you speaking your feelings. Just please remember: it's so much more a reflection on them than it is on you. I just spoke to a boy this morning who was lamenting over the fact that he didn't fit in with the majority of the boys in his church youth group because he enjoyed poetry and songwriting while all they wanted to talk about were sports scores and cars. Seeing the high and exacting cultural standards of what it means to be a man is very upsetting to me, because we have taken it far beyond God's original plan. (I mean, if anyone disagrees, show me the place in the Bible where God says "men, thou shalt not cry," or in any way implies that men have no weaknesses.)
Final thought: if there is a society that is not making room for the passions and emotions God has given you, the error is the society's, not yours. I hope you know and believe that.
Thanks for being open and vulnerable. It's a gift many men are giving up in favor of fitting in.
Keep this in mind....what you're referring to isn't societal constraint. It's the way God made you. And that matters more than anything else. Being a man is hard....that's kinda the point 😂. We bear the burden, defend the weak, and hold back the storm. It's what we were designed for.
And if strong men don't do their jobs ^^ the world falls to pieces. History's shown us that again and again.
"the key takeaway from this post is that society’s stereotypes, expectations, and standards for who you have to be don’t matter. you can be the type of person you want to be; don’t let your gender, your race, or anything hold you back."
yeah i'm not going to get too deep into this, but what i was addressing WAS "societal stereotypes, expectations, and standards." that's kind of the whole point of the post. not all men are destined to live the exact same way just because they share the same biological factors.
On the surface, I actually agree. Different men are different and are going to lead different lives and do different things. But...men are still men. They marry women. They protect the weak. They raise children to follow the Lord. Those aren't societal restraints, it's what God commands in the Bible. Thoughts?
if that's how you want to live, good for you. but keep in mind that not all men wish to live that way. aren't a bunch of men in the bible celibate? when i grow up, i'm not obligated to marry and have kids. that's a path i can take, but it's not one i'm constrained to.
Fair enough 😂 remember that you said "perhaps a different kind of partner."
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to attack you in any way here. But this article is leading down a dangerous path. To say we aren't constrained by our gender is the first step to literal chaos in society....people need to follow the path God's set out for them, whether they like it or not.
"literal chaos" might be a stretch. i'd love to see a world where people don't live their lives based on how other people of their gender live. think about it this way: what if every single american HAD to love football but you don't like football. but instead of just accepting that you don't like football, you force yourself to like it. that's not very healthy, is it? for people who already like football, its easy to tell others to like it as well. but for those who are different, it's hard to decide if they should force themself to follow a "destined path" or simply live as themselves.
Yeah, that's a great point. The issue is that football can't translate over to things like we're discussing. Whether or not you like football is irrelevant to anything important.....but your gender is one of the most important things there is. And it's vital that we act according to how God made us. If you don't do that, then you're sinning, plain and simple 🤷♂️
To clarify, I don't mean that every man needs to be a bodybuilder and super aggressive and masculine. The only point I'm trying to make is that we need to be careful about "being ourselves", because ourselves are sinful. Instead, we need to force ourselves to follow what God's commanded of us.
Jack, when I was much younger, your grandmother and my mother decided that I wasn’t necessarily wrong, I was just different. The times leading up to their “decision” weren’t our best years as a family. We eventually learned to accept each other as who we were. Now I couldn’t love my sister, your grandmother, any more than I do! We are still different, but those differences don’t matter anymore! Be who you are, that is who God meant you to be! I love you and am so proud of you!
Jack, I just want to add: Boxes come in all shapes and sizes, and all can be confining. Don't be too quick to build any boxes right now. Leave those doors and windows open to whatever plan God has for you! He absolutely has a plan! You have to be patient and look for those God Winks! Being different doesn't necessarily refer to sexual preferences. That seems to be the first thing people interpret this phrase to mean! Being different can simply mean choosing your own path, and not necessarily the one that is expected of you! You will find your path, I have no doubt!
would just like to say, there are different ways of being strong and that is totally okay.
you mention that men are made to be strong…yeah so actually all people are made to be strong, and not sure if you’ve realized but men frequently use their ‘power’ to dominate everything and everyone, so i don’t see how that’s a good thing. and woman are actually quite strong and independent…something we’ve learned from constant rejection and over powering…from men.
also a later comment you wrote said ‘men raise children.’ sir. they help raise children. who carrie’s the child for nine months and then gives birth to it? and then is expected to stay home with it? motherhood is awesome, but you need to understand that men do not do all the work with children, it’s meant to be a group effort on the part of the mother and the father.
also, on the topic of following Gods plan for is…he has different plans for everyone. so saying that we need to stick with societal norms in order to live our lives is ridiculous. we all have different callings in life…
also, the world has fallen into ruin over and over again due to ‘strong men’ and i’m not entirely sure why in the 21st century you seem to think that men, and only men, are capable of keeping the world going. like respectfully have you not heard of strong women?
not trying to make this a feminist post, bc it’s not that i hate men, i just think you need to learn some respect.
I hear you on the whole societal standards and expectations thing! We can't let twisted versions of truth give us a bad taste in our mouths for true truth, am I right!? Let's get back to the Original Plan, which was family in garden, where God made the trees for beauty first and then for usefulness. It's joy, life! He is the way! The more we seek Him (not a version of Him) the more the mess and tangle of society's version of everything falls off and we start to really see. There's no going back once you jump into God's rabbit holes of glory!
Thank you for being honest, Jack, and hope you have a blessed and liberating day :D
This is such a mood. I've often felt confused—struggled with the assumptions made, the plans forced, the questions asked of me. Even though I actually do fit a lot of the stereotypes talked about (I play/watch sports, video games are fun, etc.) it turns out being attracted to men makes you different in a lot of ways.
Don't let society tell you how you have to be.
I appreciated your honesty so very much. Thank you for sharing, and for truly contributing to the volumes on this we need from men. Your feelings are valid.
Totally unrelated to all this deeper discussion, this post reminded me of a song: Giving Into the Love by Aurora. If you want a music recommendation 😂
I applaud your courage for writing this. These are important issues. I agree that our current society’s standards of gender are often skewed. I think it’s best we keep learning from God and doing what we love in the meantime. :)
Beautiful
I love this, but I did see something that bothered me. Gender is gender and you can't change that. A boy is a boy and a girl is a girl. Girls can like the things that boys do but they can't change. I hope you understand my meaning. Otherwise I loved this!:) _Izzi
if you say so (dont remember mentioning that but i get you)
Sorry if that's not what you meant! I didn't mean to be rude!:( I loved the story line though!
I must have misunderstood! I saw that when I thought back. Sorry! Ignore my comment now!:)
you're fine! i didn't take it as rude at all :) glad you liked the post
Not a boy, but definitely someone who also dreams of defying the social 'norms' (is it normal to be pressured? maybe, but perhaps not a good thing). Good luck to all of us in being just who we are :D
I want to marry a man who reads more poetry and plays less video games, watches more nature and less football. Follows Christ instead of their heart. So, not mainstream.
thank you, charles <3. i don't know why that's so difficult to grasp for some people. everyone is different and everyone has a right to live as themselves