being an introvert

what we’re really like

Apr 14, 2025

a lot of the time in our modern society, being an “introvert” is a misused, often negative term describing people who seem quiet, unfriendly, or secluded. most people confuse “anti-social” with “introvert” and, as a somewhat social introvert (somewhat), i thought i’d take a minute to represent nearly half of the global population and clarify a few things.

(now, i know most writers tend to be introverts, so please, call me out if i get something wrong <3)

before we begin, let’s look at the technical definition of introvert. there are many different meanings behind the term, the most common being the literal dictionary definition:

introvert ~ a shy, reticent person

so kind of like i said at the beginning but a bit vague. my preferred dictionary definition is the psychology definition:

“a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.”

this defines an introvert more so as a deep thinker. as an introvert and a deep thinker, i do think there is a major correspondence between the two things, but i also think there’s a bit more to introversion than that.

and while i agree with both definitions, i don’t think either one represents introverts as a whole very well. so, today, i thought i’d try to describe what introverts are really like. are we all really awkward, anti-social hermits? or are we bubbly social people with a hidden shyness? what is being an introvert actually like?

a friend or two

funny thing about introverts: we loathe groups. they’re annoying, stress-inducing, and chaotic. what if we get overwhelmed? what if we feel left out? what if we say something awkward that everyone hears (this one may be just specific to turbulent introverts…)? the endless negative possibilities far overcome the positive ones in our opinion, so we refrain from big group interactions as often as we can; and if we do happen to be forced into one, we’ll probably be known as “the quiet one” (though, of course, not all introverts are quiet).

so, what’s the alternative? becoming a stereotypical hermit? in some cases, yes. however, like extroverts, many introverts (including myself) house a desire for social interaction. but instead of going to parties or walking around in public striking conversation where we see fit, we prefer to be around just a couple of close friends in a calm setting. friendship is very important to us (or just any relationship we don’t find socially draining); we just prefer those deeper one-on-one conversations that you won’t find in a big group of people.

i feel like this example is not as easy to generalize as others; sure, all introverts do normally avoid group settings, but not all. there’s a line between personal preference and introversion as a whole, this point being a very fine line.

think before you speak

next, we have the tendency to think before we speak. often, when we think of a stereotypical extrovert, we picture a bubbly person who loves to jabber on about their day or compliment strangers’ outfits, expressing everything that pops into their head with no filter1. well, introverts are quite the opposite.

we think carefully, relaying every word before it leaves our lips. this plays into the “deep thinker” description asserted by the psychology definition of introvert; we like to think deeply about the impact our words have, thus making sure to craft our sentences carefully.

this can be seen as a reason why the majority of introverts lean toward turbulence. we think before we speak because we sometimes feel anxious about what we say. perhaps we’ll offend someone unintentionally or use a word with an accidental negative connotation. qualities like deep-thinking are often rooted in a turbulent personality, or vice versa.

concentration and independence

again, big generalization here, but most introverts are especially good at concentrating deeply and working independently to some degree. that means we’ll be fine ditching our friends or skipping a party for a cozy writing session in a coffee shop or a long read in the park. we’re pretty good at finding one task and sticking to it all by ourselves.

for contrast, extroverts tend to like activities or settings that are more active and stimulating. they’d rather hang out than read a book (generally) and would likely prefer a group hike to a leisurely walk through the woods.

and that’s not to say introverts never enjoy people or social activities; we’re not all shut-ins always wearing hoodies and noise-canceling headphones. we just find solitude uniquely energizing. to us, quiet, uninterrupted spaces are the best places for finding ideas or thinking clearly. being able to concentrate and be independent or alone are a big part of how we recharge and reflect (remember: deep thinkers).

need for quiet time or reflection

well, that last trait provided a good segue into this one.

what often earns introverts the description of being isolated and anti-social is our need to escape and recharge (which is fairly easy considering the previous traits). we find social interaction and just life in general pretty overwhelming a lot of the time, so it’s important to us that we stop, collect ourselves, and reflect on everything. a common mode of reflection we use is journaling, since it’s so calming and therapeutic.

other times, it’s less about thinking and more about just being: peacefully sitting in silence, taking a walk alone, listening to music while doodling, etc. quiet time is something that helps us reconnect with ourselves. without it, we can start to feel scattered, overstimulated, and even irritable. we’re not trying to avoid the world, we just want space and time so we can return to it as our best selves.

post-people exhaustion

i’ve briefly touched on this throughout the post, but let’s dive a bit deeper now.

a defining factor of introversion is how being around people affects us. generally speaking, if you wanted to provide something that applied to every single introvert, this would be it. it’s the root of every other trait i’ve mentioned and also the reason why they’re needed.

since it requires constant mental and emotional processing, socializing really drains introverts. we’re never just talking: we analyze tone, read emotions, think carefully about our responses, manage how we present ourselves, etc etc. our brains are always running in the background, and that gets tiring pretty fast.

for turbulent introverts, the exhaustion hits even harder; we worry about what we say and how we’re perceived, or we’re just overstimulated by all the noise and chaos in the room. that’s why, for all introverts, recharging through quiet time isn’t optional; it’s necessary. it’s how we go from a sweaty shaky blob that overthinks everything to our normal, blissful selves (unless you’re stuck in a temporary loop of overstimulation, which… really sucks).

in a nutshell

everything i just unpacked were the basics of what it means (generally) to be an introvert. yes, many of us are anti-social and quiet, but not all of us. every human being is unique and, like in all aspects of life, fits on their own special place on a wide, endless spectrum.

if i were to sum up that entire spectrum in a nutshell, i would choose the five characteristics i described today.

are you secretly/unknowingly an introvert?

well, if three or more of these apply to you, you probably are.

☐ you prefer to spend time with just one or two close friends

☐ you often think carefully before saying something

☐ you're pretty good at concentrating and being independent

☐ you really need quiet time to relax and reflect

☐ socializing almost always drains you